In the Beginning was the Word
In recent years I've really gotten into certain kinds of ambient music, both as a listener and as an amateur guitar and keyboard player. I'll try to describe the why of my journey.
The first music that moved me were soundtracks...to Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica. I had an 8-track tape of the latter, and would play it over and over on Saturday mornings in my pajamas...laying on the carpet with some toys and imagining vast dramas patterned on the TV show. A friend and I were discussing this kind of thing recently, and we laughed on remembering how full of pathos those imaginative journeys often were.
Like, for example...I'd often have a story about two brothers, or a brother and sister. The story would span epochs...somewhere after the half-way point there would be a betrayal of some kind. And the pain and drama that followed was an energy "built-up" by the long "Summerland" of their relationship before the betrayal. Trying to imagine strips of dialogue now, I think they went something like this:
Tears shimmered in Voltan's eyes. "But how could you? We stood together and fought the Cyclopean Ware-beast. You saved my life," he ended, turning away and sitting down on the edge of the cliff.
Gorgon appeared unmoved, his eyes hard. "That was a long time ago. Now a storm is gathering."
Indeed. A storm was gathering.
boom...boom...BOOM! went the music. And the stage was set for a drama that would shake the world.
And later...their bodies broken on the battlefield, they would meet again. Only then would what drove them apart be understood. They would reforge their friendship, now unbreakable, and turn to face the real enemy...often one or both of them would die in the process.
Now...you might laugh and say kids don't operate on that level. I say back to you that you don't really know kids. Sure, not everyone built stories of transformation and redemption amid their G.I. Joe toys, but I think a whole lot of them did, and do.
I think good music both supports and develops stories of such depth, though. My mother had a large record collection, and I'd try a little bit of everything. Dramatic soundtracks were the clear favorite.
I got a bit older, and started playing guitar at age 14. The image of the Guitar Hero took over my brain -- I wanna be that! I saw this mix of technical mastery and breathtaking freedom to be creative in the vision and became a soldier of technique because of it.
I actually had a stopwatch to measure how long I played every day. Minimum of 2 hours on school days, and anywhere from 6 to 8 hours were required on weekends. I wanted that life so much that I'd smash up my room, scattering papers everywhere if I felt I'd been weak or lazy. Finally one day I banged my hand into a metal music stand, bleeding from the right palm. This was terrible, because it meant I couldn't practice effectively for days! That forced me to bring my temper under control.
Here is the hilarious thing about all that, looking back. The music I played was terrible. I kind of killed the music in order to advance technique. Sunk-costs became a factor. I've already invested this much in a very niche style of guitar playing, how can I do something different now?
One thing that happened was that I realized I wanted people to come to see my shows, but I found theirs too boring to see in return. What hypocrisy! Already at age 18, I was living a lie...
When you fail, you pick yourself up and try again. How do I find music again that moves me, the way music should? Well, once again, listen to a bit of everything, the way I did as an ignorant little kid amid those old albums. It was Bartok's "Music for Strings, Percussion and Celeste" that left me lying on the ground with headphones on, crying at the beauty and sensitivity and darkness of what I was hearing. I was grateful. Grateful for a chance to feel again. Dreams of being a rock star were over...my friends in LA all stayed in LA and built lives there. Now, my future looked very different. I no longer cared about the esteem of anyone currently alive for whatever music I might make. Is it becoming clear that I'm exhaustingly dramatic and self-important?
Heh...maybe this is why I live alone!
Well, anyway, that didn't really work out either, but I did get closer to good music. I discovered so many beautiful things. In fact, looking back I realize that if I've been true to anything, it's to the idea that music must be my companion on my journey through life. Sometimes I fall asleep at the wheel, and the music drives for me. Sometimes, I ignore her, and she and I and the car get dirty and full of McDonald's leftovers. But when we work together, we are a great pair.
Some of the music from that time of discovery in my early twenties:
Purcell's Dido's Lament. The music and the text are beautiful:
Thy hand, Belinda, darkness shades me,
On thy bosom let me rest,
More I would, but Death invades me;
Death is now a welcome guest.When I am laid, am laid in earth, May my wrongs create
No trouble, no trouble in thy breast;
Remember me, remember me, but ah! forget my fate.
Remember me, but ah! forget my fate.
There is one piece of music that has been there always. Mike Oldfield's Omadawn.
My oldest friend wrote to me recently (he and I write actual paper letters to each other! The fact that I'm bragging about this indicates what a weird time we live in!), and indicated it's been the same for him -- Omadawn touches on something timeless in him, and maintains a fascinating hold no matter how many years go by. That music seems to be a living capsule of Life as it should be. The "fumes" that rise above it contain mystery and adventure. Also, a sense of community. Like "if I could choose the way people live together, it would follow the patterns I detect in this music." The drummers and the chanting voices --- community. The song about riding a horse --- a delight in the simple. The sense of male and female in equal and mutual regard and enjoyment of each other.
Musician or Magician?
If a magician in his best aspect is one who cares for the spiritual life of his community, and does what things he can to deepen and support that life among the people, busy as they are tending to this and that, then I name Mike Oldfield a magician. The musical instruments are merely the means of doing it. Across time and vast spaces. I mean...he's just a dude somewhere in Wales, but he touched me and my friend in the 8th grade, 1980s central Texas.
The best music is magic.
The best definition of magic, that is, if you ask a real magician, is:
the Art of causing changes in Consciousness in conformity with the Will.
My definition of great music comes out of the sum total of the experience of my life, and is:
The best music turns reflection inward, invoking higher aspects of consciousness and making them briefly visible (audible) to the listener. The best music is actually a key to a lock that is unique to each hearer. The key is formed by the good will of the magician playing the instrument combined with the highest aspect of the listener.
It takes two. It takes the one who plays and the one who hears. In the end, both are transformed.
[Brief Digression: Forget all that stuff you see in movies about what a Magician is. The reality is that you become a magician because you felt a kinship with something greater. And that you want more of it in your life. Now...we've all had experiences which can't be described. They might have been beautiful or frightening...and they stand as markers in our lives...often ones we aren't interested in revisiting! But they represent contact with something outside of our experience, and if you are of a certain disposition, you will be drawn back to it.]
Returning to Music...a life trying to find and share beauty through music is an excellent apprenticeship for magic, because you are slowly but surely removing your self from the experience, and seeking to express the beauty that you are looking for. If you come to Magic from a long study of Music, then you are already used to kicking your ego out of the driver's seat in search of Truth, which appears as Beauty in sound.
You would/should/must do exactly the same thing in Magic. In the art of causing changes in Consciousness in conformity with your Will. And that Will has been purified by a long search for Beauty, fruitless as the search may have often been.
Wait, I thought this was "just" an article about Music
Okay, so, in my usual exhausting way, I'm sharing with you how serious my feelings are about music. In fact they are life and death serious. Where did it begin? How will it end?
Why would the answer be anywhere but inside, midwifed into coherence by music.
The Word of God is how intention came into the world.
Think about yourself. You know the exact moment when you finally decided to undertake something big. Whether it was a project, or a different way of looking at things. Inside, where you don't lie to yourself, you nodded and said: yes. This.
In the Qaballah, God is presented with 10 aspects, each aspect overflowing from and developing from the prior aspect. So, the 10th aspect is closest to us in the manifest world. It's the highest conception of God we can hold in our everyday lives. But the very first aspect is called the Primum Mobile, or "first stirrings" in a void. That quiet first moment when It Begins.
The second aspect is the one that interests me here. It's represented by the vast whirling Zodiac. Picture a galaxy...formed by the whirl of particles that make long tracks through space, accreting material and power over timeless spans until these "first stirrings" are a mighty manifestation of power in themselves.
The name of the aspect of God at this early point in the cycle is "JA." In German, this translates directly to "YES," and it's at this point there is no going back.
This Universe is "going to happen." We've already stepped deeply into it. But there is a long ways to go. Say "YES", and deepen those tracks through space that become your grooves, with which you hold and take comfort in what you know thus far.
MUSIC!
We are in the Tanz...
So when I read "Word," I just think Sound...I think music is the highest art because of it's ephemerality. It is there and then it is gone. It is therefore, like Spirit.
Sound is strange, and special, because you hear it, and then you can fall into it. Once you let it in, it can open dusty rooms deeper inside the labyrinth that is you. This in turn, adds to the richness of the Sound. Your own voices are singing and changing and deepening that original note.
What a gift, yeah?!
Ambient music
As a young person, I'd look at someone old enjoying ambient music and think "blech, they simply can't handle drama, they only want things to settle down and be quiet. What kind of way is that to live?! They are tired and worn out, and so they have the music of tired and worn out people."
Aren't I likeable? (rolls eyes)
But you know what I mean, right? Music that seems to change too slowly is just boring, at least at first. Being judgmental and dualistic at the outset, I was quick to pass my verdict. Luckily though, I really liked keyboards.
These days, "analog" synthesizers are all the rage. When I was growing up, they were the garbage and everyone wanted digital synths. As a poor kid in the middle of nowhere I mostly had to sit this out, just reading opinions in Keyboard magazine. But I did have a Yamaha analogue synth (still looking for a picture of it).
I loved making long, slow envelope filters over a single low note. It was something I heard often in the soundtracks that I loved. As a teenager, I loved horror movies too, and the synth soundtracks were gorgeous.
Somewhere in 2009 or so I was reading on the internet and stumbled across this article by Robert Rich, called "1000 True Fans (an Answer)," in which he offers his opinion on the good and bad of the "Long Tail" in the Internet. This got me interested in Robert Rich.
That means, I grew up as a benefactor of the old system, before demographic marketing analysis helped to cripple the spread of radical thought across subcultural boundaries. I realized from this leakage of experimental culture into the mainstream, that I wanted to be an artist like the ones that moved me deeply. I wanted to speak my personal truth, regardless of the cost. I wanted to serve the role of a modern shaman, while embracing the complexities and ironies of our modern world.
Oh wow, I thought, this guy is talking my language! A Modern Shaman? Holy heck, I've got to hear that music!
I bought the soundtrack to "Atlas Dei" and it was a turning point in life. I was learning about astral projection, and got into the habit of trying to project out of my body every morning very early with this music coming in through headphones. I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams, and I can say that R. Rich really was like a Shaman to me -- a very good one. Coming from his highest aspirations to produce great music, right into my intention to Know, he helped me tremendously in my journey.
Can I just, like, Huge thank you to Robert Rich?!?
Yeah, well I mean that big time.
Here he is in a live performance...
And then I was hooked. All kinds of ambient music, though Rich remains my favorite composer (he improvises a lot, which I also find important). Brian Eno's Apollo was also very important. An absolutely magical album. I listened to that constantly when I was suffering tremendously from "imposter syndrome" in my first year at a new job. Somehow that music was healing and got me to breath more deeply until the amount of knowledge I had caught up enough so that I didn't feel like an idiot all the damn time!
Zen
Finally...I've learned to appreciate silence, as well. But my report is already overlong, and I'll quit for a while...
If you made it this far, gosh, thanks for reading! I bow to you and wish that you become your Highest Wish!